Black Singles, Black Dating, Leave Baggage At The Gate

Aug 18, 2011 by Black Statham

Black dating has become incredibly difficult over the last 15 years.  Black singles find themselves fighting to find meaningful relationships with the opposite sex, by and large failing without any clue or insight as to why they find themselves perpetually alone.   As African Americans lives in the US improve year after year in aspects of education and career opportunities, so on and so forth, the romantic disconnect seems only to increase when it comes to black love.

Exploring Why Black Singles Have Such a Difficult Time with Black Dating

Sociologists and psychologists would point to many different factors in relation to the failure rate of black relationships, especially when many of us are doing so well in other areas of our lives. One thing that we see as we look at the failure of socialization, that members of both sexes seem to be lacking point to an ever-growing wall of white noise. As we often spend more time at work, sitting at a desk behind a computer, we begin to create a person who almost isn’t real hidden behind profiles in vacation pictures a surrogates for true selves.

Not only have we built this wall, we begin to live vicariously through the lives that we think other people have, whether celebrities or the friend from high school you haven’t seen in years, and perceived that their happy existence is what we are owed. So with all this noise in the background it’s no wonder a lot of people are confused as to how they should interact with someone in a social setting of the opposite sex.

Black Singles Bring Too Much Baggage with Regards to Black Dating

This is where things get really tricky as most Black singles seem to be naturally defensive upon meeting someone new of the opposite sex. Let’s take single black women for example, who not only seem to carry the wounds of their own past relationships but those of every ancestor, best friend, and best friend’s cousin with them into a new relationship. This results in a latent hostility that soon turns and content for any blackmail was a reminder of a past love who has slighted them in some way shape or form. Every new relationship is built on earning trust, but there are times where black women into rental relationship with a bias towards this trust that can never be overcome no matter how genuine, kind, and caring their potential new partner maybe.

Likewise single black man enter into relationship with their own level of baggage, both real and imagined that is a major hindrance when it comes to relationships and black dating. First real issue is maturation, as both genders have grown up in this digital entertainment age men in particular often fail to realize where fantasy goals and end, the need to move forwards towards adult goals should start. Seriously, no women who take yourself seriously really wants to date a 35-year-old man releasing his second mix tape is budding rap career. Sad to say many single black men had no idea how to do the right thing, and when to do the right thing. And this encompasses everything from social graces to appropriate dress depending on the occasion.

So welcome to Black Love Fest, enjoy our site as we explore black dating, and black love offering candid views, insights, and advice. It’s a new day with plenty of progress to be made and strong romantic relationships have always been a cornerstone of black people’s advancement globally. By taking a hard look at how we interact with the opposite sex, we can strengthen that cornerstone and find happiness and love and our beautiful black men and women.

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Black Men White Women: 8 Reasons Sisters Push Bros to Pink Toes Part I

Aug 28, 2011 by Black Statham

I see so many interracial couples on a daily basis that I rarely even take a second glance in the couple’s general direction. I mean don’t get me wrong depending on where you live, people of both races may still feel some kind of way about single black men and white women together. And there is one segment of society that still has an almost visceral reaction to seeing an eligible brother dating a Becky, and that of course would be our single black sisters.

When a sister spots a black man with a white woman, she’s likely to pull out her book of descriptive adjectives labeling the brother as weak, a sellout, or unable to deal with a strong willful sister. However we know that the reasons that men and women find certain types of the opposite sex attractive are never that cut and dry, or black and white. In such quick labeling also fails to take into account the role that the accuser has in influencing the choices that a man will make him picking his potential mate.

So I was chilling out with the Hon. Dr. Royce Brothers sipping a little something vintage, we started talking about the reasons black men choose white women and decided to break it up into a two-part series, which will provide all interested parties with a look into the psyche of interracial dating from the black male perspective.

1.       Approachability:  From Frown To Scowl

I mean it’s sad to say and many women will disagree with me on this point, but no one wears a frown quite like a black woman in any public setting. Either the lips are poked out or pursed so tight that you could crush atoms with them things. And understand that there is a level of defensiveness that’s necessary in dealing with brothers that are let’s say less than mature.

Now on the other hand white women are totally different ballgame, easy to have conversation with and rarely assuming that because you say hi to them you’re trying hit those draws. No man wants to approach a woman who looks as if she’s dreading the first word coming out of your mouth. There are times is a single black man that you would rather try to sell Kirby vacuum cleaners door-to-door, then approach a sister in any social situation.

2.       Black Men Ain’t Sh*t!

Why women who are interested in black men seem to approach a potential relationship with a clean slate. What exactly do I mean by this? It’s simple, white women were raised to believe that “black men ain’t sh*t” in regards to how they perform their life duties as a man.

Black women grow up witnessing the failures and shortcomings of fathers who come and go, unhealthy relationships that their elders may go through, all of which create a master image of what a black man is. Undoubtedly this is a hard thing to shake as you enter your adult life and attempt to form relationships. Sadly this doesn’t alleviate the constant frustration that some black men feel and having to prove themselves over and over again that they are potentially worthy lifetime partner for single black women.

3.       The Over 40 Collapse:  Sista’s Lookin’ Busted Down

In the Desperate Housewives era white women over the age of 40 are taking care of themselves like never before. These women are taking care of themselves by hitting the gym on a regular basis, making sure their hair and nails are done, they have great looking wardrobes and seem to be conscious of their appearance whenever they’re in public. As a single woman with you step out in public you should look at it as an opportunity to meet your soul mate, and your appearance should be as attractive as possible at all times.

I don’t know what it is but in the last 10 years it seems that middle-age black women don’t take as much pride in their appearance as they did in the past. The hair is not done, the tennis shoes are leaning to the side, there seems to be no desire to maintain a fit and healthy physical form.

4.       Worldly Cluelessness

I’m a grown ass man so when I meet a woman and we go out on a date she needs to be able to hold a conversation that goes beyond the latest celebrity gossip on Concreteloop, Bossip, and Media Takeout.  No brotha wants to go out with a 30 year old woman whose only concern in current events is who Chris Brown is dating.  Chris Brown?  Really?  I’m not asking for you to be a news anchor, but damn be able to engage in some type of stimulating conversation.

Well that’s it for part one and I hope this will spark some lively conversation.  Part II we’ll probably bring a shit storm down on this site…and I can’t wait.

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